November 21, 2019 at 11:20 am #182768
It is hard to let go of that dream of what we thought our life would be. It took me many years to finally let go, and occasionally, it still sneaks in some. You are certainly not alone in this! Keep your eyes focused on now. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life.November 21, 2019 at 5:02 pm #183302InthemixParticipant
Thanks 4LeafClover and Renee.
4LeafClover, keep working at your awareness of needing validation. Increasing awareness will help you to be more observant and objective, and less caught in that need. Stay connected.
Renee, you tell the truth. I guess I know it too. Just tough to let go of the fantasy of connecting with someone. Though it is reality with most people who don’t have narcissistic tendencies.
Yes, it has been peaceful. He has pretty much ignored me, and left open his computer on books and articles on “choosing whether to leave or stay” and “quick divorce”. Maybe he is just self absorbed and not expressly wanting me to see these things. I’m kinda over it in any case.January 8, 2020 at 12:10 pm #195413KatParticipant
Hi! I’m in my 50’s. Separated for a couple months headed toward divorce.
I’m just learning about covert narcissism. I always knew something wasn’t right but he did not fit the usual Narc patterns. CN .. he could be the poster boy.
Even though his heinous behaviors and lies are what led to this, he is playing the victim BIG TIME!
I’m told to hang on for a very long, shitty and expensive ride through court. I’m exhausted already.January 10, 2020 at 9:28 am #195416
Welcome to the group! I am so sorry for what you are going through. Every divorce is different. I was braced for a long and tough process, and I was so surprised when the whole divorce was done in 3 months.
My husband was actually very cooperative because he was clinging so hard to his own image that he was a wonderful husband. He played the victim role, and I didn’t defend myself anymore. I was the one filing for divorce. I was the one doing this awful thing. That was just fine by me! I was too exhausted to try to explain it all to him yet again. All my friends and family knew the truth. I had nothing to prove to him anymore. So he held onto his victim role and image of being a great husband, and I got a peaceful and quick divorce.
I wish you much peace!!
ReneeFebruary 22, 2020 at 10:20 pm #195872newbeginnings2020Participant
The process started in 2015 and the CN won’t move forward. I’m over 50 and a little exhausted by it all. I’m hopeful that it will be done soon, but the CN seems to gather up lots of flying monkey support for himself, a girlfriend and her 2 children. My children have been replaced by a whole new family of strangers. It’s one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. But I’m glad he’s gone!March 3, 2020 at 7:26 pm #195882MattyCParticipant
Hi. Im 53 and married 26 yrs. I left 8 mths ago with 5 kids (2 adults) (plus another 8 mths in home separated) but have still not got anything done about parenting plans. Financial stuff was dragged out bc he didn’t want to do his tax. He has moved in with another woman. I get no financial support bc he’s not working. I can’t work due to fibromyalgia and sahm homeschool mum. I don’t understand why he won’t divorce me as he’s told our mr. 18 that he “just wants to move on” and his living arrangements “go against his Christian morals” 🙄. Not looking forward to coming wks when i tackle these hard things – around the brain fog and confusion.March 13, 2020 at 7:53 am #200580Sadie LeeParticipant
I’m about to be 53. Been with my CN spouse for 36 years. Just made excuse after excuse for him the whole marriage. I just recently even knew the term covert Narcissist. So I’m still learning. My children are all adults with mental health issues as well now. It’s going to take years of therapy for all of to recover from the mental abuse, but sadly we probably won’t get it because of financial reasons.March 16, 2020 at 2:14 pm #205753FlyingMonaParticipant
I am 63, third NARC marriage. This one lasted 19 years and the nastiest by far. Pretty sure he is a Covert. Everybody loves him, he is such a great guy. No.April 12, 2020 at 2:32 pm #225081
Hey Sadie Lee,
I am so sorry for all you have been through. I know first-hand too how much damage it does to everyone involved. My kids also are going through mental health issues that they have to work through. If you cannot get the therapy, there are still a lot of good options for healing. The books, videos, blogs and so on that is out there now is amazing!! Many of these resources are free or low in cost. I am putting together more resources as well to help everyone on this journey.
If you sign up for our newsletter on this page, you will receive our resources lists as they come out. We share resources from ourselves, but also from many others out there who are doing a great job helping our world.
Helping just one single person makes such a huge difference for all of us!April 16, 2020 at 8:56 pm #225084JustMeMeParticipant
I am 53 left my narc 87 days ago. He is so horrible and is making my life hell.
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