Our Garage Door Got Quieter: A Small Victory that Means So Much People often ask me, “Why does it take SO long to recover from narcissistic abuse?” They might be weeks, months, or even years out of the relationship and yet still feel beaten down and void of energy. Narcissistic abuse takes a huge toll […]
Discovery & Recovery
I have never doubted myself so much in my entire life as I did in and after my 21 year marriage to a covert narcissist. Why could I not feel happy in the relationship? Why did I struggle so much to even communicate with him? What was I doing wrong? Was all of this really […]
Reconciliation or Alienation: How Conflict is Handled Speaks Volumes Every person alive has offended and upset the people they love most. We all do it. Just because someone has upset you or offended you does not make them a toxic person or a narcissist. Do not place this judgment here! You need to go a […]
Whatever Happened to Self-Compassion? Somewhere along the way, we have completely lost touch with self-compassion. If we feel sorry for ourselves or spend some time taking care of ourselves, we are often overwhelmed with guilt and shame. We think we are being selfish and should be spending our time caring for others. Or we think […]
Fight For Yourself…For Your Kids When I married my husband, I was clueless about all of this. I had never even heard the word narcissism. I had no clue what emotional abuse was. Words like gaslighting, projection, and circular conversations were not a part of my vocabulary. I was madly in love and truly thought […]
Many of us are raised to feel guilty when we have done something we shouldn’t have or that hurts someone we love. Guilt is a natural feeling, and this is not a bad thing. Guilt is an uncomfortable feeling inside, and it motivates us. It drives to apologize and reconcile. We want to make amends […]
We are Not Allowed to be Human A covert narcissist’s humanness hangs all out for you to see. They seem to not have a care in the world about what you or the kids think of them. My ex spent all of his non-working hours with his feet up, playing video games and watching movies. […]
FORGIVENESS MAY NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS Among abuse survivors, I hear a lot of debate over whether we should forgive our abuser or not. In fact, this is often a heated topic. Some victims think that the only way to heal is through forgiving your abuser. Then you can let go and […]
Single Life…just what is it? Google defines ‘single’ as; only one, not one of several, unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship. Yup, that pretty much sums it up, but what does it feel like when you have to own it? Reminds me of that damned roller coaster. The slammed-to-the-back-tug when you pull […]
LIFE WITH A NARCISSIST: AN EXHAUSTION LIKE NO OTHER My 18-year old son recently said to me, “Mom, no marriage is perfect and no individual is perfect. Sure. And if only you had done “XYZ…ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVW” then maybe your marriage to dad could have possibly worked. But he couldn’t even do “A” so there is no […]
TWO SIMPLE AND EFFECTIVE TOOLS FOR HEALING THE PAIN OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE Do you feel that narcissism is everywhere? The red flags of narcissistic abuse are all around us. Even the very word “narcissism” is plastered all over the internet. We are seeing the effects of the abuse in ourselves, our kids, other family members, […]
Pitfalls of Keeping the Peace… Playing the Peacekeeper becomes a core focus for those in relationships with a narcissist. We’re no quitters, but neither are they. Some argue that codependents share the responsibility for the unhealthy behavior, because their main focus of ‘keeping the peace’ is dependent upon countering the unhealthy family member’s behavior, like […]
7 COMMON THINGS THE NARCISSIST SAYS TO UNDERMINE YOU Narcissistic people are extremely skilled at making you doubt yourself. They can turn the most confident person in the world into a messy ball of insecurity. Without even realizing it happened! All of sudden you realize that you are doubting every thought you have, every word […]
A young woman, two generations younger and half a world away suggested I write a Q & A Blog for survivors. She’s still picking eggshells and gravel out of her feet after a bad breakup with a narcissist, but she’s out. She’s right, it would be encouraging and informative to hear from other survivors. Am hoping […]
By Alex Delon, author of LEAVING YOU….for me. alexdelon.com An answer to the above question posted on Quora.com: I reached that point a few months after my Medicare card arrived…after 47.5 years of marriage…four days after a walk on the boardwalk to watch a dazzling sunset, a wildly intimate weekend where we toasted […]
by Alex Delon alexdelon.com Beginning again after an abusive relationship is an adventure. We may find ourselves in new relationships, not wanting to make the mistakes we made before, or treat anyone with less than honesty and respect we all deserve. I’m learning as I go…and this is a lesson I needed to live and […]
I JUST WANT TO BE ME. I don’t want to be your therapist. I don’t want to be your emotional validator. I don’t want to be your hero, your savior, your goddess or god. I don’t want to be your mother. I don’t want to be your father. I don’t want to be responsible for […]
How the Covert Narcissist Plays Rejection, Abandonment, and Abuse My marriage lasted almost 21 years. For most of these years, I convinced myself and the world that I had the perfect marriage. We were simply great together. There was no other option available. The mind is powerful and can do amazing things. I truly believed […]
The Sting of Covert Narcissism Covert narcissism is messed up! It is so twisted you feel like you are going insane just trying to get a grasp on what’s going on. It is so hard to pinpoint and impossible to describe. You can’t possibly explain it to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. Trying to […]
Living Like a Blind Fool You stomped all over my feelings, Smashing them again and again, Like a bull, thrashing in a China shop. No awareness and no remorse. Living like a blind fool. I forgave you, though apologies never came, Blaming myself again and again, Like a mouse, afraid of my own feelings. […]