My lost daughter

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  • #19392
    Imelda Bear

      I agreed to divorce with my ex. His words were”nice knowing you “. He refused to leave. He continued to want sex and expected meals ,laundry etc. I met someone I liked. Sleeping with him was no longer tolerable. This man lived in a different country. I was staying with friends at night and continuing to meet all other of his expectations during the day. I was there to make breakfast and take my 15 yr old daughter to school. The new man in my life said that I could bring my kids to him to stay until the house sold. The tickets were bought but the passports for the kids took longer as it was their first. My ex agreed to send them on when the passports arrived. I believed him. I had stopped this man going to jail for 8 years by refusing to testify against him. He didn’t. I was at his mercy which was zero! To cut a long story short he had been seeing a widow older,with money,whom he used to rob me of my home, and used my kids to punish me. My son is safe with me ,he was over 18 with learning difficulties/autism. My daughter was 16. Old enough to decide she wanted to be with him after he brainwashed her. I never said anything negative about him to my kids as I thought that was healthier for them.
      I don’t know what I can do for my daughter. She displays his traits and is cruel but I don’t know if this is her or my ex. I have no contact with him. What should I do about my daughter who is with him?

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    • #20848
      Alex Delon

        Do you have contact with your daughter? The brainwashing they can do with children is horrible. They paint themselves as wonderful and you as the complete enemy.
        If possible, keep very open communication with your daughter. It is probably just a matter of time until she sees who he is for herself. Do everything you can to have her come visit you or you go visit with her. Wrap your arms around her in genuine and unconditional love. Our kids must experience real love.


          I too, lost my son. He blamed me for not being a good enough wife. Believed his father. He stayed with me for a year after, but he kept getting meaner towards me. Eventually attacked me over being asked to do the dishes. I had no choice. I sent him to his father. Now he sounds just like him. The thing is, I’ve always been the parent that lived and supported him, even rescued him from his fathers wrath. He made his choices. At 15, I let him go. Huge loss. But now, my other two have peace. There’s peace in the home. I try to live on my list Don over the phone, but it’s strained. I hope one day he sees, but it doesn’t seem likely. To me, he’s just another casualty of this war.
          I started with five children. One died in my arms. Then my adopted16 yr old daughter went missing. That was nearly three years ago now. Still missing. Now my son chose him.
          And the hardest thing for me right now, the thing that sticks in my craw, is that he has lied, and poisoned nearly everyone I’ve ever known against me. I’ve lost them all. It’s so unjust. So cruel. We met at age 11. Every friend from my past… every friend from the present, his entire family that I’ve lived for our 24 years of marriage. All gone. And top it all off… he was a Pastor. So I’m pissed at God too.


            Loved* not lived. Lost son*, not list Don. Apologies for autocorrect.


              I just want to say can you try not to be mad at God. This is not God’s fault.
              Your ex being a pastor (so-called) is a shame and a crime against God.
              (P.S. My autocorrect is currently making me crazy too. It just now tried to get me to put “Shane” instead of “shame” and it just tried to get me to do that same thing again. Sigh. Naughty, naughty, little autocorrect. [shakes finger at it to try to get it to behave better])

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