My oldest son is 17, about to be 18 in a couple weeks. He is a senior and trying to figure out what he wants to do in college along with where he wants to go. He is also the oldest of 4. My daughter is 16 almost 17. They are only 15 months apart. My husband is text book covert narc and dealing with any kind of emotions is a no go. I also realize how I suppressed his confusing feelings when my husband would put him down and I would just try to take away the pain so he “wouldn’t have to deal with it”. Now I know how harmful that was.
For some reason he severely does not like his sister. He will put her down, call her names and in the car to school in the mornings she is not allowed to talk. How messed up is that??? That is not the loving son I raised. I have had multiple “talks” with him about it and his behavior but he shuts down and won’t even try to see his part in it.
In the outside world he is leader. He is drum major of his marching band of over 300 kids! He is captain of the swim team. He is even the coach for grades 1-2 boys lacrosse. He is good kid….except when it comes to his sister. He is now blaming her for his horrible senior year but I just keep telling him it’s not her fault, he has to let go of this intense hatred he has towards her. He says she awkward and not socially aware. None of it is true. Does she talk too much at times due to feeling insecure, yes. But she is a good kid also. So now his best friend since 2nd grade now is dating his sister. My son is beside himself. He can’t even deal. He is angry that he would even think about talking to his sister let alone date her. He now won’t speak to his sister or his best friend. To make matters worse he found out by walking in on them and seeing it. Apparently they had been keeping it secret for months. They didn’t want to tell anyone because they knew my son would freak out. For years now he has told his friends to not even talk to his sister. And every single one of them has tried to ask her out but she has said no until now. It started out just as friends between my daughter and the best friend. They were all on the HS swim team together and my son was so mean to his sister that the best friend started seeing it and reaching out to her to give support and she was also supporting him with his problems, it grew. And now we are here with everyone hating everyone. The whole school knows what happened, people are coming up to my daughter with details asking her about it and all of this happened because they couldn’t talk to my son because of his anger and reaction. I feel responsible due to his inability to deal with his emotions and I don’t know what to do about it. Oh and side note, the best friends parents, my husbands brother, the kids grandmother knows everything and and they support my daughter and the best friend as do I but my husband does not know any of this! All of this happened and is happening under his roof and he is clueless! It’s not even because he’s not home…no, he’s home every single day and is clueless and I don’t want to tell him because of his reactions. Thus the cycle of abuse. Thank you for this place to get help.
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