Need to make plan to leave narc

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  • #339844

    Hello everyone,

    I have realised my long-term partner is a CN. I probably knew all along but have only found the term recently. I have been love-bombed and devalued. I have been gaslighted by the inlaws and flying monkeys. I have experienced a chronic loss of energy and agency.

    I stayed because my CN does an awful lot for me, so much that I started to doubt whether I could manage without him. I am also a carer for my mother who has schizophrenia and met him when I was very vulnerable.

    I launched a startup a few years ago, it is supported by a very prestigious university but it isnt’ making money yet. It is my only hope for financial independence. At the moment I can’t afford to leave.

    Would appreciate advice from anyone who has gone through this and survived!

    Thank you.

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  • Author
  • #360968
    Renee Swanson

    Hey Eisha,

    I have been through it, and I not only survived, I thrived!! You are stronger than you think, and you can do this too!

    Have you talked with an attorney yet? I recommend doing this. You can get a lot of financial questions answered. Many attorneys will give you a free consultation at the beginning. Do this with a couple different ones. Use it as a time to pick an attorney, but also to start getting some answers as to what things will actually look like for you and what you need to be doing now to get ready.

    Take things one step at a time. The pieces will start falling into place. Let us know here how we can help! You got this!

    Renee Swanson


    ^good info… here’s some things I will add:

    Start gathering and making copies of important documents like birth certificates, tax papers, etc.

    If you do any shopping get $20 back in cash here and there and stash it away somewhere he won’t find.

    When I knew I wanted to leave I stocked my mini van with three storage totes. One for toiletries, one for packaged, snack type foods that wouldn’t go bad, and one with a change of clothing for each myself and all five kids. I had packs of diapers and wipes under the seat for the tot. I was prepared to leave at a moments notice and either stay in the van or head to a friends house or shelter.

    Document everything. Keep a journal.

    Chin up, friend….. we’re here for you.


    Thank you for your responses. I’m nowhere near ready to leave yet. I need to get the income flowing so that I can afford to rent my own place. At which point I will pack up the essentials and hire a van.

    I’m not sure that I will have any legal rights at all. I’ve been cohabiting with this man without any legal status. It’s his house. All I own is my bike and my laptop (and lots of books, clothes and gym equipment…)

    Anyway, I will keep seeking information until I’m ready to leave.

Viewing 3 replies - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
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