My Kids Just Found Out

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  • #367009

      Not even sure where to begin. My adult children (20-30) have just found out that their Father is a Narcissist. They aren’t ready to accept that label, which is fine. But long story short he picked up and went on Sabatical by himself to another Country. He didn’t discuss it with them first and since he has been gone they have seen how self absorbed he is and how that he only calls them when he needs something. And how he keeps them busy doing his tasks and how little interest he actually has in their well being. I was always bad cop and they always thought he was good cop. This has been a real awakening for them. However it is causing them a lot of pain in many different ways. They all need therapy which they refuse to go for. Some of them are working on healing. Others are not. Two of them display some of his behaviors, which makes me worry for their spouses. What can I offer them? How can I help them?

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    • #367015
      Alex Delon


        What they are going through is certainly not easy! They are likely to go through the stages of grief – shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger, depression, and hopefully a positive turn toward reconstruction, acceptance and hope. Be supportive of their feelings here. Give them a safe place to open up. Don’t judge how they feel or what they think. Try to understand where they are coming from, even if you see things differently. They were kids. Their perspective will certainly be different.

        If they are open to youtube videos, books, blogs, there are a lot of excellent resources out there now on narcissism. If they are resistant to hearing about resources from you, simply encourage them to do their own searches. They will gravitate towards the ones that speak to them.

        You are likely to see some traits of the narcissism in them. This is a vicious cycle and does not go away easily. This does not mean though that they will be full-blown narcissistic or abusive. Keep an open channel with them and love them no matter what. Don’t ever forget that even if they do become a narcissist, no one can take away your freedom to love them. Not even they can. Hope this helps!

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