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“Borrowing a phrase from my clinical mentor, Reevah Simon, “Whenever there is ongoing conflict, there is underlying agreement.” In other words, it takes two to tango, and the dependent or subservient partner may not be as weak, passive, or innocent as they appear.
Well, that’s interesting. It kind of makes it sound like we choose this, by not choosing to walk away, which is the only other choice. Stay…or leave. But, in reality, there is fear and the fear can be simply paralysing. I mean, its like sitting in a car with a crazy driver going 150 mph. Are you going to open the door and jump out? You know its not going to end well. You fear crashing, but you fear jumping too, so you just keep begging him to slow down, because then everything will be ok, at least in this moment.
Hi, Im 52 and just starting to try to navigate through this. I hope I can join your group! I live in Canada, anyone else? 4 years ago my husband got in my face and terrorized me so bad I called 911. He ended up arrested for DV, and there was a no contact order put in place for a few months. Well, he contacted my adult kids (his stepkids who he always hated) and became very tight with them to get to me. Well, long story short, he pled guilty to avoid a jail sentence (says he had to lie just to keep from going to jail) so that he would only have probation. He came back home but needles me constantly about why I said he put his hands on my throat when he certainly did not, all he did was gently touch my face to “comfort” me and said “Look into my eyes….calm down….”. HIS adult kids think Im a liar and wont come to our house or be anywhere near me. (Im ok with that) I feel paralyzed…like I don’t work, I have no income, my elderly mom lives in a granny suite in our house and I take care of her. I have a horse and a few dogs. I feel like I will lose my house, my animals just everything. Oh…and now that he is back in the house, he has no use for my kids anymore. My daughter called and asked if her 4 yr old daughter could spend thanksgiving weekend with us, I said “sure”. I told my husband and he said NO, if MY kids and grandson cant come to this house, neither can yours! And then 2 days later he says sweetly “Oh so what time is Caleigh coming over?” Im like she not. “Oh? Why not?” and then the usual, oh my god, you are twisting things, I NEVER said she couldn’t come, all I said was it wasn’t fair…..blah blah blah….. Im so sick of this.
YES!! This is so accurate. And if you break being “Mirandized” (Right to remain silent) god help you, this means war. Don’t defend yourself. Do not challenge him….