The Loneliness Epidemic

By

Alex Delon

Yup, loneliness has been declared an epidemic. CDC reports confirm it. The US Surgeon General raised an alarm about the devastating effects of the ‘Epidemic of Loneliness.’ Great Britain’s Prime Minister appointed a “Minister of Loneliness” who is a busy guy, overwhelmed even.

Global medical publications concur that profound loneliness affects not only our mental health but disastrously impacts on our physical well-being. Evidently loneliness and isolation rank right up there with brain tumors and torture for messing with our minds and bodies.

Made me wonder, is this rise a post-covid affliction that will subside or an eternal human condition now in the spotlight? Just how long or how often has loneliness reached epidemic proportions? Research revealed tides I didn’t expect.

Our post-covid lifestyles include remote jobs, television, the internet and date sites, phone apps, texts and YouTube videos that are always within reach. Do these new culprits that separate us from human contact make us more vulnerable or are these innovative tools that can help dispel overwhelming loneliness? Both, perhaps. Our lives and lifestyles have changed dramatically in other ways, but when did loneliness become epidemic this time around?

I searched a century of history and found it riddled with monumental events that isolated individuals, divided spouses and families: Civil War, two World Wars, the holocaust, Korea, Vietnam, terrorist attacks, and retaliation. The 1860’s doubled down. During the Civil War (a time with no phones and mail was seriously messed up) the Homestead Act of 1862 didn’t warn people that 160 isolated acres of prairie had a drawback beyond battling the elements.

I’d never heard of “Prairie Madness” or “Prairie Fever” but turns out they were both a diagnosis and a description. A gender-neutral insanity of isolation, depression, withdrawal. Men were more prone to character shifts and violence. Often omen became prey and suicide an achievable solution.

More recent historic events brewed strong catalysts for loneliness to become epidemic. Researchers found that from 1990 to 2010 the divorce rate for the over 50 crowd doubled. The new trend was dubbed “the gray divorce revolution” and “silver splitters”. Within ten years of divorce, 69% of them remained single. [1] That is more than a trend.

Within the past five years, covid lockdowns, masks, mandates and politics may be the most intense events that have driven loneliness to epidemic proportions.

I made a cup of coffee and sat back, determined to focus on who, why, when, where and how loneliness strikes the hardest. It was suddenly like looking through a kaleidoscope as fractured images took a million shapes.

I imagined the widows of countless wars, orphaned children, returning veterans physically and/or mentally mangled by battle, casualties of physical and emotional abuse, of violence, empty nesters, that encompassed all ages. Prisons use isolation as extreme punishment.

We cleverly hide our vulnerabilities, too often considering them weaknesses. Shame. Now there’s a word for you. Brene’ Brown made the study of vulnerability and shame her life’s work. Her books are amazing. Demand for her speaking engagements high…there is no end to the causes, characteristics and consequences to reveal.

Love and loss are eternal. Cornerstones, not just of humanity, but for most living species. Why do we whisper or silence “I love you,” or hide our grief over loss stubbornly declaring, “I’m fine.” Fine. Does support sometimes feel like pity?

Leaving someone we love or being left behind screams “you are alone. What now? Will the ache ever go away?” My mind made itemized lists; you eat alone, sleep alone, have no one to share your day with, or bounce ideas off or to laugh with at a hilarious movie. If you fall and crack your head you could lay here for days! Who would feed my dog?

One day I listened to a gratitude meditation on Youtube and there was a small chink in the loneliness. I did it again and expanded to enjoying sunrise with a steaming cup of coffee and reading in bed before going to sleep without annoying anyone. When eating out alone, I began to devour interesting books on my iPad and the server became an interruption. My meal was fine, my book fantastic.

One evening I went to a play and it was pretty awful, so I went home, poured a glass of wine, and called my girlfriend just to chat. I didn’t have to sit through the entire play bored to tears. Having other single friends is important. Vital. We need others as free as we are to travel, visit, to share our day with and don’t need a box of tissues to do it anymore. I realized I’d moved out of my ‘loneliness box’.

It’sso simple we miss it. Instead of focusing on ‘alone and miserable’ we discover all the fantastic freedoms it provides. Eventually, contentment calms our fears, brightens our smile and we’re approachable again. We engage in interesting conversations about things we read or participated in, and loneliness evaporates along the way.

The whole world is waiting…it always was. As the poem Desiderata begins, You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here.

We belong again and it is wonderful.

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