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Oh!! Almost forgot. Read the book, Splitting, by Bill Eddy if you haven’t already, and Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Both are excellent reads; Splitting is a relatively short playbook for divorcing a high conflict person (I haven’t re-read it recently, but I’d think it’s relevant for subsequent litigation too), and WDHDT is the abuser’s playbook. The former helped me with the nuts and bolts of how to deal with litigation (come to think of it I probably should re-read that one) and the latter was incredibly eye-opening and helped me accept and stop analyzing – for the most part. WDHDT is pretty long; I got it on Audible through a free trial.
You are not alone. My children are very young and I have more than a decade before I expect to be done with litigation. It’s been 5 years since my divorce, and there have been 3 lawsuits so far. His entire family supports him financially and otherwise and they work in the system.
Thus far my ex has been able to conceal his abuse of the kids. I worry about appearing like an accuser with no evidence and having my children taken away from me. He made huge gains in court recently (essentially) due to a paperwork screw-up; I looked like a monster. I had been in a good place mentally, and now I couldn’t feel more low.
I don’t know where I go from here. I just wanted to let you know that others are suffering along with you. The system is so freaking broken and I have no clue how one could even dream of untangling it. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The input above is the advice I usually give, and it works. I’m calling my local shelter hotline today because of this new development in my case; and working on some self care and doing what I can to support my kids emotionally. In the end sometimes that’s all we can do.
Sending you much love