STBE is telling my kids (17,19) too much

[Koolteecha]

Hi all,

First I will just put it out there that I had an affair – it was brief (2 mos) and it is over. I own it, and I accept my contribution to the dissolution of our 21 year marriage.

We agreed to NOT share dirty details regarding the affair with the kids until we felt they were ready. That’s not what happened. STBE threw me under the bus when we told our VERY sensitive son (19) and basically told him without telling him…which left me no choice what to tell him. Since then, STBE has been unloading on my son emotionally, talking to him like he would to one of his peers. Now I receive hour-long, angry, hateful phone calls and three-paragraph, name-calling, hurtful text messages. I will not fight back with him. He is 19 and he is my son. I told him I would listen to him, but not if he is abusive. He feels I deserve a little verbal abuse. That’s my STBE talking.

My daughter (17) learned EVERY DIRTY DETAIL of the affair from my brother-in-law. Right down to screen shots of text messages my STBE found on my phone. She has blocked me and refuses to speak to me.

I don’t know how to handle any of this. Anything I say gets me a “you aren’t the victim here, Mom.” STBE won’t step and stop any of this. Both kids are in counseling, so I’m hopeful that their therapist will help them process this.

Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice is much appreciated.

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