Elusive_Flame

[Elusive_Flame]

Thank you so much to both of you for your kindness. And to you Renee, for creating this safe space to share our experiences. <3 It is a blessing to so many.

[Elusive_Flame]

Thank you for sharing your story “Grateful”. And like Renee I am so sorry for the heartache, pain and suffering that you and your son went through!

It’s really one of the most difficult things to come to terms with.
I think having so many siblings is a tragic and a blessing at the same time. Many of my younger siblings (and even nieces and nephews) are substance abusers and/or have varying degrees of mental health issues. But as we (myself and two older sisters) have slowly started to wake up to what we have been unknowingly dealing with for all these years we are slowly starting to heal ourselves and offer as much support as we can to our younger siblings who reach out.
It’s been a scary path to navigate. I had tried to introduce narcissism to my sister directly older than me (by 18 months, we were often mistaken for twins) and her surprisingly harsh and negative backlash to the suggestion made me doubt myself for a long time – to the point where I had tried to build my relationship with my mother again thinking that I must be wrong. My sister has her Master’s in Peace-Keeping, she’s very clued up on conflict resolution and generally a very wise person. But her denial and blind-spot to this has really damaged our relationship. =(

That being said it has strengthened my relationship with my other 2 older sisters and we do our best to support the younger siblings and family members who get caught in the crossfire. But many of them are also disordered and every time I decide to introduce a new person to the concept I do so very tentatively, terrified that I will get another bad reaction or be made to look like I’m the one doing a smear-campaign. So quite a complicated situation.

Sorry to have turned that discussion back on myself. *Face-palm*.
But again thank you for sharing “Grateful” and Renee. I hope that day-by-day, year-by-year we are able to stop the cycle of this narcissistic abuse and heal in authentic and loving relationships. <3

[Elusive_Flame]

Thank you so much for your reply, Renee.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is really validating to hear your words.
I think this M.O. makes this so much more difficult to come to terms with labeling someone like this an abuser. All the undeniably good things they do their displays of love and affection.

But your last words are what really makes it hit home for me in recognizing the abuse for what it is.. “No one ever felt emotionally safe, EVER, and that is abuse!!”

Thank-you for that! <3

This past weekend was my daughter’s 3rd birthday party and I never invited my mother. It is one of the most heart-wrenching, painful things for me to do. The guilt is still thick and heavy, but I do kind of feel strangely empowered. I’m taking my daughter to see my mother today for a birthday hug. But I’m glad it’s on my terms.

I never wanted to use my daughter as a pawn in personal conflicts with my mother, but I realise now that it’s for my daughter’s well being too that they do not get too close. My mother is nearing her 70’s now so I wouldn’t completely cut her off, but at least to keep the interaction on my terms.

Again thank you for this wonderful space you have offered victims to come together and share their pains and get the support they need to over-come this misunderstood form of abuse. <3

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