Trying to explain covert narcissism to someone who has not lived it is enough to make you feel entirely crazy! As if living the nightmare of the relationships isn’t enough! The conversation with that friend usually goes something like this: Me: I am having a really tough time communicating with him. Friend: Why? Me: He […]
Emotional Abuse
Unreasonable Expectations of Narcissists Excessive admiration! Automatic compliance! Ideal love! Favorable treatment! Constant recognition of their “specialness!” These are only a few of the expectations that a person with narcissistic personality disorder carries. Their sense of entitlement supports their unrealistic expectations. They expect to be worshiped. They expect unreasonable admiration and compliance to their every […]
Should we go another round? Stats suggest that we leave an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship 7 times before we leave for good. That said, there appears to be seven rounds in abusive relationship bouts. Which indicates we answer the above question with a whispered “Yes” and we try yet again approximately S E V […]
Could a thing like Object Relations Theory be a clue to understanding why communicating with a narcissistic individual can spin us in dizzy circles? I read an article by Dr. Elinor Greenberg, a real deal specialist in defining and diagnosing baffling character disorders. The article magnetized puzzle pieces to fit, explain, clear the mist of […]
In a Narcissistic relationship, do we have to be like them to leave them? This isn’t a trick question. If you even considered it leaving a narcissist…you get it. The narcissist wouldn’t identify something they did as “Narcissistic”. Ever. Their defense mechanisms would kick in to justify their actions as they projected the blame unto […]
Friends—Codependents—or are the narcissist’s inner circle of friends the Duped and Dangerous? The narcissist often collects a covey of opposite sex friends…close friends…women or men they no longer–or may never have had sex with. Why? Who are these pals? Why do they hover around him? What need or desire do these mental mistresses or misters […]
I have never doubted myself so much in my entire life as I did in and after my 21 year marriage to a covert narcissist. Why could I not feel happy in the relationship? Why did I struggle so much to even communicate with him? What was I doing wrong? Was all of this really […]
Many of us are raised to feel guilty when we have done something we shouldn’t have or that hurts someone we love. Guilt is a natural feeling, and this is not a bad thing. Guilt is an uncomfortable feeling inside, and it motivates us. It drives to apologize and reconcile. We want to make amends […]
We are Not Allowed to be Human A covert narcissist’s humanness hangs all out for you to see. They seem to not have a care in the world about what you or the kids think of them. My ex spent all of his non-working hours with his feet up, playing video games and watching movies. […]
Narcissistic Abuse and Your Perspective When you change your perspective, everything changes!! I am realizing more and more how true this statement is. Your perspective is everything. Your perspective tells you: Whether something is a big deal or not Whether you should be offended by something or not Whether something is your fault or not […]
FORGIVENESS MAY NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS Among abuse survivors, I hear a lot of debate over whether we should forgive our abuser or not. In fact, this is often a heated topic. Some victims think that the only way to heal is through forgiving your abuser. Then you can let go and […]
That people are quick to hurl blame and shame in the guise of accountability is often nonsense and cruel. The Blame “It takes two, you know.” I got that one from a friend when I told her my husband was having another affair and I’d left him. She frosted her remark with, “Well, he always […]
Imagine a dog that has been neglected. It lives in a home with an owner. The potential for love and care is there, but yet it doesn’t exist. The dog is ignored most of the time. When it does manage to grab the attention of the owner, the owner is mean and harsh. He yells […]
LIFE WITH A NARCISSIST: AN EXHAUSTION LIKE NO OTHER My 18-year old son recently said to me, “Mom, no marriage is perfect and no individual is perfect. Sure. And if only you had done “XYZ…ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVW” then maybe your marriage to dad could have possibly worked. But he couldn’t even do “A” so there is no […]
TWO SIMPLE AND EFFECTIVE TOOLS FOR HEALING THE PAIN OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE Do you feel that narcissism is everywhere? The red flags of narcissistic abuse are all around us. Even the very word “narcissism” is plastered all over the internet. We are seeing the effects of the abuse in ourselves, our kids, other family members, […]
Pitfalls of Keeping the Peace… Playing the Peacekeeper becomes a core focus for those in relationships with a narcissist. We’re no quitters, but neither are they. Some argue that codependents share the responsibility for the unhealthy behavior, because their main focus of ‘keeping the peace’ is dependent upon countering the unhealthy family member’s behavior, like […]
7 COMMON THINGS THE NARCISSIST SAYS TO UNDERMINE YOU Narcissistic people are extremely skilled at making you doubt yourself. They can turn the most confident person in the world into a messy ball of insecurity. Without even realizing it happened! All of sudden you realize that you are doubting every thought you have, every word […]
A young woman, two generations younger and half a world away suggested I write a Q & A Blog for survivors. She’s still picking eggshells and gravel out of her feet after a bad breakup with a narcissist, but she’s out. She’s right, it would be encouraging and informative to hear from other survivors. Am hoping […]
We adapt: to their tempers, impatience, even to their contempt, yet for me, the worst thing about living with a narcissist is the emotional void of loving someone not only incapable of loving you back, but capable of such devaluing cruelty towards you…sometimes covertly, other times with the fury of intimidation. Loving them is the […]
TACTICS NARCISSISTS USE TO MANIPULATE AND CONTROL By Alex N. Delon One of the biggest reasons people get into and stay in toxic relationships with a narcissistic partner is because they don’t know what they’re dealing with…the ploys and patterns. They don’t understand the dynamics of narcissism and struggle to make it work. To […]