I am so goddamned angry! Fuck him and all that I did for him, only to be dealt with terribly!
What a damn mess! I am mad as hell at how this happened and how it is turning out. It effing sucks not to have any control or fairness at damn all in this. Never EVER again will I allow myself to be in a long-distance relationship! This second one has hurt me to my core, I feel used and abused and humiliated and worse even than that, ripped off…literally and figuratively. I try to be cool and mature when we speak [which is hardly ever now] but I am also just enraged!!!! I know he is with her right now as we speak…nothing I can do…what the hell is wrong with me that I put up with this shit for as long as I did! Ugh! I am so angry I didn’t know what narcabuse was when we first got together…even the idealization phase was all about his suffering and what I could do for him. How did I let it get so fucking one-sided? shit, fuck, damn…goddamn it…aaaaaaaarrrrggggghhhhh!