Living Like a Blind Fool
You stomped all over my feelings,
Smashing them again and again,
Like a bull, thrashing in a China shop.
No awareness and no remorse.
Living like a blind fool.
I forgave you, though apologies never came,
Blaming myself again and again,
Like a mouse, afraid of my own feelings.
No awareness and no recognition.
Living like a blind fool.
Then came that day like no other.
My world rocked by a genuine connection.
It found me starved, deprived, and scared.
Dear God, help me!
I’ve always thought of myself as strong,
But today, I see that I am wrong.
I must fix this or I’m done.
I won’t be able to fight it. I will give in.
So I dug in, gave it everything I’ve got.
Tried every approach, exhausted every angle.
“Here’s the right words, finally he will see.”
I’ve never worked so hard at anything, ever.
Each time, hope would rise only to be shattered once again.
You stomped all over my feelings,
Smashing them again and again,
Like a bull, thrashing in a China shop.
No awareness and no remorse.
Living like a blind fool.
I forgave you, though apologies never came,
Blaming myself no more now,
Opening my eyes for the first time ever.
New awareness and new paths.
Living like a cautious newborn spirit.
The day came, as I knew it would.
My exhausted mind relaxed, and my heart broke free.
I couldn’t stop it, nor did I try.
Dear God, help me.
I dropped to my knees and cried, “Mercy!”
This is beyond me. I can’t fix it.
Somehow my weakness turned into strength.
I knew that I no longer fought alone.
Step by step, the path became clearer,
Revealing itself only a glimpse at a time.
Too exhausted to take a single step,
And too excited to miss a single moment.
How can I be so empty and yet so full?
You stomped all over my feelings,
Smashing them again and again,
Like a bull, thrashing in a China shop.
No awareness and no remorse.
Living like a blind fool.
I forgive you, though apologies never come,
Blaming no one anymore,
Like an eagle, restrained no longer.
Soaring to new heights with new hope,
Living life, full and free.
by Renee Swanson, January 2018