What they are going through is certainly not easy! They are likely to go through the stages of grief – shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger, depression, and hopefully a positive turn toward reconstruction, acceptance and hope. Be supportive of their feelings here. Give them a safe place to open up. Don’t judge how they feel or what they…[Read more]
I agree that it was more pathological than deliberately mean. I don’t think he was intentionally trying to hurt us. I think he had no idea how much it hurt, though I tried to talk with him about it for years. He would agree and even at times apologize for being so absent. It would get better for about a week, but then it came…[Read more]
I have been through it, and I not only survived, I thrived!! You are stronger than you think, and you can do this too!
Have you talked with an attorney yet? I recommend doing this. You can get a lot of financial questions answered. Many attorneys will give you a free consultation at the beginning. Do this with a couple different ones.…[Read more]
Renee Swanson replied to the topic looking for women over 50 who are leaving their narc in the forum Divorce Space 1 month, 1 week ago
I am so glad that you are no contact. Yes, it does help tremendously!! When I went no contact, it was the first time in years that I felt like myself again. Every day got a little bit better. I am still finding more of me every single day, and I am SO happy about it!
It is amazing to me that some people never leave a victim…[Read more]
How we feel when we are away from them compared to with them is a very good sign of what is going on inside us. Listen to your heart. It knows where healing is. It knows where peace is. It knows the right path for you and your kids.
Renee Swanson replied to the topic Broken down and confused – can it be real or my imagination in the forum What is Narcissism 1 month, 2 weeks ago
I am so sorry for what you have been through!! No one should ever be treated this way. You are NOT crazy! Yes, this sounds very much so like narcissistic abuse. Their whole world revolves only around them, their desires, their feelings, their opinions, and so on. With a covert narcissist, the abuse is so subtle that many people don’t…[Read more]
My favorite part of what you said is “for now anyways.” The story definitely doesn’t end here. You have SO many wonderful days ahead of you. I’m so glad you have your kids. I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!
He Melanie, stay strong for your kids. These teenage years are crucial. They are tough years, even in healthy homes. I hope that you are able to be with them soon!
Are you able to get the court involved on their behalf?
Renee Swanson replied to the topic looking for women over 50 who are leaving their narc in the forum Divorce Space 2 months, 2 weeks ago
Yes, it is impossible to explain to anyone who has never lived through it. People who haven’t lived it just can’t understand it. I don’t blame them. I can see why they don’t understand. But it makes it extra hard to find support when we so badly need it.
Good luck with the finances! Keep moving forward and focus on your own healing…[Read more]
I am so sorry to hear all this! Your story is all too familiar. They always make everything your fault. You work SO hard to make things right and to help the situation. Yet it is not only never enough, it is fuel for them to blame it on you. Everything is your responsibility to fix and your fault when it doesn’t get better. An impossible situation…[Read more]
Good for you for taking the next steps! I hope that this process is as peaceful as it can be for you.
Let yourself grieve! There is a lot of sadness to absorb in these situations. I am a year and a half out of a 21 year marriage and still feel that. Healing takes a lot of time, especially when children are involved.
I hope you have a good…[Read more]
I want to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through. Some of your story is SO similar to mine and brings back so many memories. Many of the aspects of narcissism lined up with my ex, but some of them did not. I also never hit the discard phase. He never would have discarded me. I truly believe that the reason for this is…[Read more]
In my experience, couples therapy is an absolute waste of time. However, it can serve a few purposes. The therapist we went to actually called him out on his circular conversation and abusive language. This was very validating to me!
However, some therapists don’t fully understand narcissism or don’t have personal experience with it. They can be…[Read more]
Renee Swanson replied to the topic looking for women over 50 who are leaving their narc in the forum Divorce Space 5 months, 1 week ago
Hey Sadie Lee,
I am so sorry for all you have been through. I know first-hand too how much damage it does to everyone involved. My kids also are going through mental health issues that they have to work through. If you cannot get the therapy, there are still a lot of good options for healing. The books, videos, blogs and so on that is out there…[Read more]
Country27 – I hate what you are going through. And I hate it for your kids. Good for you for getting them into therapy. It truly takes time for the kids to see reality, to be strong enough to face it, and to start their own path of healing.
Don’t push too hard on the ones that don’t see it yet. Just focus on your own relationship with them and…[Read more]
I did not bring up the abuse in the divorce process. I think it would have caused a huge reaction from him and ruined the quick and relatively peaceful divorce we ended up with.
I had talked with him many times about the verbal and emotional abuse. He didn’t get it! I tried to explain every way that was possible. He said to me once, “How can you…[Read more]
Renee Swanson replied to the topic looking for women over 50 who are leaving their narc in the forum Divorce Space 8 months, 1 week ago
Welcome to the group! I am so sorry for what you are going through. Every divorce is different. I was braced for a long and tough process, and I was so surprised when the whole divorce was done in 3 months.
My husband was actually very cooperative because he was clinging so hard to his own image that he was a wonderful husband. He…[Read more]
I am so sorry for what you are going through. These situations, especially with kids, are absolute nightmares!
My first recommendation is to start journaling everything. Don’t try to organize it, just get it on paper or computer. Anything and everything you can remember. Events, things said, things done, etc. Things from when you…[Read more]
Renee Swanson replied to the topic looking for women over 50 who are leaving their narc in the forum Divorce Space 10 months ago
It is hard to let go of that dream of what we thought our life would be. It took me many years to finally let go, and occasionally, it still sneaks in some. You are certainly not alone in this! Keep your eyes focused on now. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life.
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