Renee Swanson

  • I am so sorry to hear this!! I am certainly sending prayers your way! I’m glad you got the police report. How long will the investigation take? How often are they required to see him?

    It is incredibly hard when our kids safety is not in our hands!

  • It is a delicate balance for sure. And you will find some days are better than others. What works one day might totally crash the next day.

    Learn to trust your heart when working with your kids. Some days they are more open to talking about things than other days. Don’t force things. Watch for those moments of openness and use them.

    Also, they…[Read more]

  • Renee Swanson replied to the topic Guilt in the forum Covert Narcissism 1 week, 2 days ago

    A psychotherapist! Wow, that definitely makes this even harder!

    I guess one thought I have is to consider what would you tell a client of yours who came in and told you the story that is your life? What advice would you give them?

    I don’t think you would encourage them to stay in a situation that causes more brokenness. You would help them to…[Read more]

  • Renee Swanson replied to the topic Guilt in the forum Covert Narcissism 1 week, 4 days ago

    I know that guilt!! So much!

    How can I not have compassion for him? My ex also has deep emotional scars from his childhood. He is SO wounded! I agree with you, I think mine also really wanted to stop raging. I think he truly wanted to have loving relationships with us. But he just couldn’t do it.

    We were married almost 21 years. I tried SO hard…[Read more]

  • Unfortunately it is impossible for anyone who has not lived in a relationship with a covert narcissist to actually understand. They just can’t get it. This makes everything far more difficult. Our court systems are not properly educated on the danger of this and too often fall for the image that the covert narcissist presents. This leaves many…[Read more]

  • Many people ask, “How do I really know if he/she is truly a narcissist or not?”
    This question haunts people. The answer to this single question can give us validation for how we feel, justification for walking away, and just help us make sense out of an impossible situation. Yet the actual answer seems unreachable.

    One day it is a resounding yes,…[Read more]

  • Hey Sabrina, I am so glad that your health has improved! Keep going in that direction!
    Don’t give up on your kids. They are not destined to be narcissistic. I thought the exact same thing for a while about my boys. So I started researching. The teenage brain continues to develop all the way to age 25. For this reason, professionals will not make…[Read more]

  • Hey Sabrina! I also doubt that it is possible to be happy with a narcissist in your life. I am so glad that you were able to get help from the psychiatrist. Is your health improving at all? I know it is hard to focus on your own health until you are able to get out of the daily stress. I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!

  • JamieRN, thanks for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I shared a home with my ex for quite a few years, knowing that I was going to divorce him. It is hard, for sure.
    A friend of mine made a recommendation to me that helped a lot. Set a date when you will file for divorce if nothing changes between now and…[Read more]

  • It is amazing that you had one family member that connected with you and with such great timing. The ones who actually “get it” are usually more in tune with timing and intuition. It sounds like he reached out to you at a time that maybe you needed to know you weren’t losing everyone.

    I do hope your relationship with your other brother is good.…[Read more]

  • Hey Sammie, thanks so much for sharing!! Yes, you are going to be okay. We are all going to be okay. You are so right in what you say. Healing requires baby steps. Just like a child has to take small steps to learn how to walk. We have to take those same tiny steps to learn how to live again. Too big of steps will simply knock us off balance.
    I…[Read more]

  • Hey Elusive Flame, no need to apologize for turning the discussion back to you. The whole purpose of this forum is for everyone to be able to open up about their situations and hear from each other. Besides, it was your thread to begin with. So no worries at all.
    I am sorry that your sister is so closed off to the discussion. It is so hard when…[Read more]

  • I am so sorry for what you have been through. Our children truly suffer in these situations. Far more than I ever realized. I am so happy for your healing. I wish you and your son much peace!!
    Covert narcissists are experts at making you feel and look crazy! You are certainly not alone.

  • Wow, all 4 tires! Nothing subtle about that. I’m sorry to hear this. I hope that you and your grandson were still able to find some happy time together today. Happy Mother’s Day to you too!

  • Do you have contact with your daughter? The brainwashing they can do with children is horrible. They paint themselves as wonderful and you as the complete enemy.
    If possible, keep very open communication with your daughter. It is probably just a matter of time until she sees who he is for herself. Do everything you can to have her come visit you…[Read more]

  • Hey Sammie-
    You ask what it is that they see in you that draws them to you. In many of these relationships, what they see is someone who is willing to sacrifice their own needs and put the narcissist first. Often this is someone with high empathy. We are very in tune to the emotional needs of our partner and willing to do ANYTHING to help them. We…[Read more]

  • Hey Sammie, I have heard of some narcissists being physically destructive like this. It does not apply to all of them. The abuse comes out in different ways, though many of the underlying issues are the same. I will dig around a bit in the next few days and see if I can find information for you specifically on that.
    It sounds like you are in…[Read more]

  • Hey Sammie, that is an absolutely exhausting way to live! I am so glad that you were able to get your eyes open to your reality. I am so sorry for what you have been through. You definitely will rise above this one day!! I can hear that in your words!
    Are you still in the relationship? Or have you been able to get out?

  • Hi 202051! I am so sorry for what you and your kids are going through. It is horrible how they treat us and causes so much damage to everyone involved. I hope that you and your kids are able to get help, support to get out as well as therapy to heal.

    People who have not lived this themselves cannot understand what any of us are talking about.…[Read more]

  • Renee Swanson replied to the topic 17 years in the forum Covert Narcissism 4 months, 1 week ago

    Good for you for leaving!! I totally understand that hot mess. You have taken a huge step, and it can feel extremely overwhelming. That’s okay and a very normal reaction to all of this.

    Allow yourself to feel the pain you have suffered. Care for your own heart like you would the heart of your friend or family member who is hurting. Do something…[Read more]

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