Trying to Understand

[Michael]

I am new to this forum.
I am divorced from my ex of 20+ years. We have 2 young adult kids.
During this last year or so I have been coming to the conclusion that my ex may be a covert narcissist. However, I always have a hard time wrapping my head around this.
During our marriage she rarely apologized for anything.
She made excuses for why not to do things (work, talk to friends, go to school)…everything was someone else’s fault or the world was stacked against her.
She developed a pretty strong gaming addiction and now is together with one of her long term gaming friends.
I did everything I could. I was by no means perfect and made mistakes. I worked, helped with the kids, did the majority of the cooking, cleaning, outside chores, etc. She didn’t work and was a stay at home mom (which was okay with me), but I was constantly exhausted trying to keep up with everything.
Most times when I brought up issues I had (often around intimacy) I ended up apologizing and never got my needs met.
She was very passive with most things in her life and can be pretty passive aggressive at times.
The hard thing is: it was so subtle. I can’t point out direct verbal abuse…she would poke fun at me at times (in front of friends)…but she also would seem caring (at least on the surface).
Why is this so hard to reconcile? Does this sound like covert narcissism? Just still feel so unsure of things at times. But I know talking to her takes it’s toll on me.
Thanks for reading and any feedback.

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