Covert narc insisting on therapy
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Topic
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So I am currently quarantining and living with my stbx and our three kids.
I left last fall but ended up coming back because I couldn’t live on my friends couch anymore and I couldn’t afford a place of my own.I can’t take the gaslighting and projecting anymore. He emotionally mentally financially and sexually abused me during our 11 year marriage and now claims that we need therapy so I can see I just misunderstood him he’s not and I took advantage of him by moving back.
Is there any advantage to going to a couples therapist during a divorce?
I begged him for years to go and to go to AA and he wouldn’t until I left.
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Replies
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It’s a trap! If you Google “couples therapy with a narcissist”, it will explain that it is a waste of time. Therapy only works when the participants are honest and willing to work on themselves, which a narc is not capable of. I would get therapy for you and your children. I have court ordered family therapy. It makes me sick to think they are ok with exposing me to my abuser, but I am just grateful for an extra pair of eyes on the situation now.
In my experience, couples therapy is an absolute waste of time. However, it can serve a few purposes. The therapist we went to actually called him out on his circular conversation and abusive language. This was very validating to me!
However, some therapists don’t fully understand narcissism or don’t have personal experience with it. They can be easily fooled and swayed to the narc’s side.
Another advantage it offered for me was that I was able to say that I even tried therapy with him. There were no other options left to explore, and I filed for divorce. I knew therapy would not work, but I did give it an honest try. In the session, I was painfully honest with him, trying to find the right words to help him to see. I had even asked the therapist to help me to explain it in a fair and honest way. It was never going to work though. My husband just twisted everything all up and turned it all back on me, like he always did.
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