Blaming yourself as a parent

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  • #270
    Renee Swanson

    As parents trying to deal with a narcissistic co-parent, we are living a crazy nightmare! We can’t just pack up and leave. We can’t just disappear in the night. We can’t just run away screaming.

    I don’t know a parent who wouldn’t fight for their kids if they were attacked in a public parking lot. Imagine someone jumping out from another vehicle with a knife and trying to harm your child. OH! The mother claws would come flaring out and that abuser would now have one heck of a fight on his hands. I would not hesitate to hurt him in order to save my child. The need for this fight is obvious and clear. This is a specific attacker whose intentions are clearly harmful and abusive. The path for protecting your child is as plain as day.

    In trying to raise my two boys, if the path before me had been this clear, I would have walked through fire for them. If the fight was obvious, the mother claws would have been ever so active. But when the attacker is someone that you trust, someone that you believe in, someone who you believe loves your kids, then hesitation hits! When the abuse is easily excused and dismissed, causing you to doubt your own judgment, then the need for this fight is not so obvious and clear.

    Parents, don’t blame yourself for not fighting hard enough. If the path was clear, you would take a bullet for your child. But when dealing with a narcissists, it isn’t clear. Confusion is their specialty. Keeping you off balanced is how they stay in your life and in the lives of your children.

    When people say, “Start fighting for your kids,” I picture myself armed for battle and looking rapidly in every direction, trying to find the right battle. So let go of the blame. Your commitment to your kids is not in question here. Together, let’s start finding the right battles.

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