Good for you for leaving!! I totally understand that hot mess. You have taken a huge step, and it can feel extremely overwhelming. That’s okay and a very normal reaction to all of this.
Allow yourself to feel the pain you have suffered. Care for your own heart like you would the heart of your friend or family member who is hurting. Do something that will make you feel loved right now. Loved by you!
I highly recommend the book Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie. It is great for right where you are in this journey!
Stay strong. I’m trying to prepare myself to leave. Been married to my CN almost 16 years. I. Am. Exhausted. Living with him is horrible, but the thought of what I’ll go through to get away from him is scary and overwhelming.
I’m happy for you getting out. I am close to that milestone. Sometimes I don’t think I can look at him one more day. I was so deeply in love at one time, now I can hardly stand being in the same room. To look at him I feel disgusted from all the things he has done to me. I am going into 25 years and 23 of them are marriage. I feel angry at myself for allowing it to go on this long.. Good luck on your journey to healing. Blessings!