Good for you for leaving!! I totally understand that hot mess. You have taken a huge step, and it can feel extremely overwhelming. That’s okay and a very normal reaction to all of this.
Allow yourself to feel the pain you have suffered. Care for your own heart like you would the heart of your friend or family member who is hurting. Do something that will make you feel loved right now. Loved by you!
I highly recommend the book Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie. It is great for right where you are in this journey!